This is Part 1 in a series on depression in creatives.
Part 2: 10 Ways to Walk Away from Depression
Part 3: When Medication Isn’t Enough: Rethinking Depression with Eric Maisel
UPDATE: A video for those who responded to this post.
Let’s play a little word association.
When I say someone is DEPRESSED, what comes to mind?
How about: Gloomy unshowered schmuck. Stuck and unmotivated. Unable to work. A drag to be around. Broken. Victim. Complainer. Crying all the time. Never leaving the house.
That’s the stereotype, isn’t it? And there’s some truth there. Allie at Hyperbole and a Half draws a vivid picture of this kind of depression. (Update May 2013: Allie has also posted Part 2 of her depression story, where she delves into not-feeling and not-wanting-to-exist. Powerful stuff.)
But depression has many different faces and manifestations.
I was one of the walking depressed. Some of my clients are too.
We don’t collapse and stay in bed all day. We keep working, keep writing, keep looking after our families. Keep blogging and tweeting and going out with friends. Keep taking our car to the service station. We just do it all while being profoundly unhappy.
Because we’re strong-willed creatives. We are so strong that we endure unendurable situations far longer than we should. We are deeply committed and we want to do our best for others.
Jen Lee has coined the term Dutiful Creatives to describe those of us who are inclined to take care of our responsibilities before anything else.
“If life were a meal, you’d consider your creativity as the dessert, and always strive to eat your vegetables first. Pacing and knowing how to say No are your strengths, but your creativity is more essential to your well-being than you realize.” from Jen Lee’s Quiz: What Kind of Creative Are You
Too many years of denying ourselves the pleasures of our creative pursuits and it’s no wonder we blunder into sadness.
10 Signs of Walking Depression
“I once read that succumbing to depression doesn’t mean you are weak, but that you have been trying to be strong for too long, which is maybe a form of denial. So much of life happens somewhere in between being okay and complete breakdown—that’s where many of us live, and doing so requires strength.” ~ novelist Matthew Quick
Walking depression can be hard to recognize because it doesn’t fit the stereotype. But it’s just as dangerous to our well-being when left unacknowledged.
This list isn’t meant to be an exhaustive diagnostic. But these are some of the signs I’ve observed in myself and those I’ve coached:
Nothing is fun. You root around for something to look forward to and come up empty.
You can’t find flow. Working on your creative projects feels like a grind, but you keep plodding away. There is research that shows that neuroticism (the tendency toward negative moods) is associated with lower rates of flow.
Your energy is low. Maybe you’re not getting enough rest because you’re too anxious to sleep, or you’re trying to cram too many tasks into a day, or you’re punishing yourself by staying up. Whatever the reason, you are effin’ tired.
You feel worse in the morning and better at night. I remember explaining this to a friend, who found it mystifying. In the morning I felt the crushing weight of all the things I had to do that day. In the evening I was temporarily free from expectations and could enjoy a moment’s respite.
You have simmering resentment toward the people you’re helping. Sure, you’re still doing what everybody asks of you, but you stew in anger the whole time.
Your self-talk gets caustic. You say nasty things in an effort to shock yourself into action. You use shame as a motivator.
You feel distanced from people around you. It’s hard to have genuine, intimate conversations because you have to keep up this front that you are alright.
You deprive yourself of creative work time (the artist as sadomasochist). This helps you exert some control and stirs up feelings of suffering that are perversely pleasurable. Also, taking on new projects that prevent you from writing or making art lets you prove to yourself that you’re still strong and capable.
You notice a significant mood change when you have caffeine or alcohol. A cup of coffee might make you feel a lot more revved-up and optimistic. A glass of wine might make you feel really mellow and even ~ gasp! ~ happy. (That’s how I finally realized that I was depressed.)
You feel like you’re wasting your life. Strong-willed creatives have a high sensitivity to the inherent meaning in what we do. Creativity coach Eric Maisel calls this our “existential intelligence.” If our daily activities don’t carry enough significance ~ if they don’t feel like a worthwhile use of our talents and passions ~ then soon we are asking ourselves, “What’s the point? Why should I keep going?”
(Eric Maisel has published a book called Rethinking Depression, which I talk to him about in this post, When Medication Isn’t Enough.)
Why is it hard to admit that you have walking depression?
You may recognize many of these signs in your life but still be slow to admit that you are depressed. Why is that?
Because it feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by. You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you.
Because your pride and your identity take a hit. You have to admit vulnerability and allow that you are not the all-conquering superwoman you thought you were.
Because you realize that you and your life need to change, which feels like more work piled on your plate.
Because you are admitting your own responsibility for your unhappiness and that can trigger self-judgment.
Because you might uncover grief or anger at those around you for not seeing and taking better care of you.
What to do, what to do?
I’ve posted another entry about how creatives heal from walking depression, and here are the highlights:
- Rest.
- Make use of medication and other physical treatments.
- Do talk therapy.
- Practice gratitude.
- Make connections.
- Reduce your responsibilities.
- Spend time creating.
- Change your thoughts.
- Develop a meaning practice.
- Change your life.
These steps are simple to say, not easy to do, so make sure you get as much support as you can.
I can also recommend Lori-Ann Claerhout’s series of articles on surviving depression at Scoutie Girl. The first article is Depression: It Ain’t (all) Heavy and you can find all of the articles here.
Important: If you are in dire straits, please contact your doctor or visit the International Suicide Prevention Wiki to find a hotline near you.
Are you surprised that I work with depressed creatives?
Some people wouldn’t want to touch them with a ten-foot pole (see stereotype above).
But I have a tender heart for people who find themselves in this place. I know ~ God, I know! ~ what it feels like. And I know how to find the path out. I can sit with deep sorrow and speak hope. I can come alongside and walk with you towards happiness. This is what my coaching service, Enter the Labyrinth, is all about.
Of course, coaching is not therapy, and my clients have other professionals who help them deal directly with their depression. I believe that therapy is awesome for artists and I highly recommend it.
But coaching can be an invaluable part of the recovery process. A creativity coach gets your artistic needs and identity in a way a doctor or therapist might not. One of my clients had a doctor who suggested she just do writing as a hobby so she could stay in her draining government job. I had a well-meaning therapist tell me the same thing. But a creativity coach knows that there comes a time when 15 minutes a day doesn’t cut it anymore.
Let me know in the comments: do these signs ring true for you? Have you ever been depressed and kept on walking?
UPDATE: A video for those who responded to this post.
Photo credit: Oleg Sidorenko
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
I see this every single day in my healing movement work with women, who simply refuse to put anything about themselves first. It is my greatest frustration as a teacher.
Until I stopped being one I didn’t even know I was depressed. Looking back I’ve no idea how I kept going, and when I didn’t learn the lessons which were so obvious (now) I ended up divorced, redundant, moving house and separated from my kids for half the week – that woke me up!
Holy crap! That’s me!!
I recognize this very well, and am just hovering above it. I took a year off work to write, it was the best year of my life, and VERY regretfully had to return to a “real” job in order to make ends meet. Sigh. It feels like survive instead of thrive… can’t wait until this cycle can be broken!
I saw myself in your post!
I am in therapy right now for depression, however, I never thought of it as walking depression.
Amazing information! Thank you!
This was me 6 years ago. Wonderful post, Alison.
Wow, are you a fly on the wall at my house? Great insight! After having 7 kids, I found myself at various times throughout being one of the “Walking Depressed” The youngest is now 3 and I’m fighting my way out. Glad to hear someone put so eloquently into words what I’m feeling.
I wish I had known this four months ago. I was totally adept at spotting the grey-melt type of depression, but I didn’t know walking depression was possible. If I’d known, it might not have taken me so dang long to realise that was what I was experiencing!
Thank you so much for giving me a framework to describe my experience, Ali.
Catherine
I’ve recognized these things myself far before reading this blog. I suffer from depression and yes, I am a walking depressive. (Is that the right word? I don’t depress others, but yeah.) I am a mother with 2 children, an ex husband, fibromyalgia, and a home based crafting business that I’d really like to take out of my house. My husband and I get up around 9 or 10 ish (when the kids are home, earlier when they go to school) and stay up, usually working, until 3 AM. I’m afraid I’m headed straight toward burn out with that one.
I’ve got a deep seated terror of therapy. And I have very little assistance in the medical community. So I muddle through, just like so many others. It’s actually amazing how many artists go their entire lifetime not realizing that they are indeed depressed, and not realizing that they can change their situations. Then there are those folks like me. I know it can be changed, but I’m not sure I want to. Weird, I know. I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I love what I do. There are just these weird times where I want to curl up in a ball, have someone take on the responsibilities and take care of me and everything else. Then I pick myself back up and go at it again.
So in answer to your question, yes. It rings true. And I keep walking every single day.
Oh friends. I hear you. I see you. We are here together.
Today I am writing down all of your names. I will take you to the beach with me for some quiet time. My hope is that each of us find the support and healing we need, wherever that might be.
Sending you lots of love.
Wow.
A friend sent this to me. About 90% of it rings true, yet I feel I still couldn’t admit that, yes, this is where I live most of my days, thus illustrating this point:
“Because it feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by. You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you.”
Thanks for the insight, Alison.
I love this. I’ve not thought of myself as a walking depressed. i was diagnosed with major depression two years ago. I’m a bit better now. and perhaps have moved from that to “walking depressed”
thanks for this article and all the links.
there are so many aspects of depression. when I first started blogging about depression I thought i was strange. now that I’m out seeking, i find a lot of people in the same plight and want to share, and talk about it, and need support
thanks. am sharing this article
Noch noch
Ah, yes. Every. Single. Day. Thanks for the explanation.
I’m more than familiar with the black-cloud variety of depression; been there, done that, am well versed in never going back there again. But this kind? This kind is more like realizing you ordered a blah-meal while everyone around you is happily smacking their lips and Oh-My-Godding about what they’ve ordered. What’s wrong with ME? Why can’t I be happy for all I’ve got? Stop being such a negative Nelly!
Stuck. It’s like walking through peanut butter, and while there are temporary respites, most days it’s a struggle just to get from point A to point B.
So thank you for affirming I’m not alone and I’m not completely crazy. It helps.
Add me to the list too. There is so much I need to change in my life, and unfortunately my family likes the status quo. They might even be acting against me.
Yep, thanks for seeing me Ali
Having spent many years in the black cloud, and a just a few in the bright sunshine, I could recognize that I was walking around in a grey fog. What I haven’t been able to recognize is exactly why. No, that’s not true. I know why, but I have not yet been able to find it in me to do something about it.
But thank you for this.
Ah, you guys are all amazing. I know the feeling, boy do I, and it’s great that Allison has put this out there for us to talk about. Wise Alison and hey, thanks for not dissing meds. Sometimes they are needed.
You’ve described my life exactly. I’m going to scour your website…as soon as I can.
Thanks.
I can’t thank you enough for this post. I’ve been feeling like this so long and can’t seem to break out of it. I just found your blog and am very happy to recognize myself in someone’s words.
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I just fell in love with you, Alison.
Superb post! my husband has this walking depression and now save after meditation and yoga! Lisa
This is me… everyday. and right know
which is why and how i came across this catalog
Thanks for this. I have in the back of my head said, “Am I depressed?” for quite a long time, but wouldn’t admit it to myself. I think all the signs are clear. Withdrawling from social contact. Feeling constantly stressed and with no energy, but with no understanding why. Especially when I’m just 27. It has effected my relationship to the point that I’m not sure if it will work anymore. I think it really spiraled out of control in the past month after my close friend tragically and suddenly died. He was also just 27 and basically like a brother to me. My girlfriend doesn’t understand. I try to keep up appearances but doing a worse and worse job. I need to change! How?
I do understand and know too well this walking depression. I have had depression for over 30 years now. I have to deal with it every single day of my life. I have tried so many things. I have 4 kids I take care of. Some days I can hide it and others barely hang on. I have come to realize that I was nothing, I am nothing, and always will be nothing. I have no hope, no goals, no plans for the future. I am not even sure why I was even born. Most of the time I wished I hadn’t been born. I have tried to become something in my life but all I ever succeeded at was being a failure. I have no accomplishments, nothing to be proud of. My kids are my life, without them I have no reason to live. It is a struggle to get up in the mornings, getting out of bed and even go about the day. My mom verbally abused me growing up. I tried my whole life to prove her wrong, and ended up proving her right. I don’t even know why I try. I used to be strong and get on with the day, but now as I am older, no so much. It interferes with my job, and my kids.There is no hope for me, no point in trying. I am a failure, a nothing and always will be.
It sounds like you are tired in this post. When I get tired, the words others have used to define me often come out of my own mouth. There is no easy cure for thinking we are worthless…I hope that you find evidence of your worth even before you start looking for it. Many blessings to you, you belong here.
Just as everyone else has posted on here, this pretty much fits my description. I have been ‘walking depressed’ for over ten years – from my twenties right through to my early thirties. And yes, I still have always gotten up and fed myself, ran errands, but trapped in my own private hell, which, when left too fester, has often further morphed into anxiety and severe paranoia. Its debilitating and frustrating for anyone and as an artist, almost unbearable. I punish myself for everything, but especially for not creating. I think I am finally at a point in my life where something inside me has said ‘enough’. I am now looking to make meditation, yoga and CB therapy a part of my life.
Thanks so much for the post. I hope mine might help someone else, too.
x
I find this post deeply offensive to people who have struggled with clinical depression – the kind where you CAN’T keep walking no matter how badly you might want to because your body feels like its made of lead and every muscle aches and your mind barely works to the point that even making a coherent sentence is difficult. I also experience “walking depression” in between episodes (though my functioning has never been the same since my first episode of clinical depression). You seem to imply that people with “walking” depression are strong(er)-willed since don’t “stay at home in bed all day” – as if being incapacitated is some sort of luxury (I can tell you from personal experience that “being in bed all day” with depression is pure, agonizing hell; there is nothing at all restful about it); depression has NOTHING to do with willpower or strength; even people with ample amounts of willpower are vulnerable to clinical depression. About the only thing I agree with here is that there are various forms of depression. And also, this doesn’t make sense to me: “Because it feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by. You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you.”
Why would it be “insulting”? It would only be insulting to narrow-minded people…I’ve always despised arguments involving comparisons to others; pain is pain, period. No one’s personal suffering (whether they can function in spite of it or not) should ever be discounted or minimized or compared with that of another (which is totally useless and senseless – not to mention lacking in empathy).
Bren, I’m very sorry to hear that you’re acquainted with depression in its many guises.
I don’t mean to imply judgment that powering through depression is somehow superior to being laid low, or that one person’s experience is worse. Both are awful; different people just have different responses. My hope is that EVERYONE suffering from this affliction will get the help they need. This post is meant to show people who may not recognize themselves in the traditional images of depression that what they are experiencing isn’t normal and that they need and deserve healing. What looks like strength can really be a weakness.
Hi Alison. Thank you for your very kind reply. I must say I’m actually really impressed with your reply – you clarified things quite nicely and it’s not so often that people are actually civil and empathetic online! And I would like to apologize for misunderstanding the intent of your post. Having experienced discrimination/judgment/lack of understanding regarding my depression, I’m just particularly sensitive about this issue so I read into it with some of my own preconceptions. I have exactly the same hope as you do.
Take good care of yourself too. And thank you again for being so kind. Just to know that there are kind people like you out there is a comfort.
All the best,
Bren
Thanks so much for your soft and heart-felt response, Bren. We really are all in this together. xoxo
Yes I am among the walking depressed. I just turned 60 and so many regrets and deep loneliness. I really don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. Truly. I see no way out. Wherever I run I take me with me. Thank you for creating this website to let me know I’m not alone.
This is very good insight. I found it very helpful.
Also… your borders. Those are DNA bands from a electrophoresis gel?
Now that’s interesting art.
Art and Science are not worlds apart. Instead of art on one end of the spectrum and science on the other… Think of the spectrum as a circle. Where art ends, science begins, and where science ends, art begins.
Stanton
Stanton, you’re the first person to comment on the DNA motif in my website! I agree that art and science are much more integrated than most people think, and I love both.
I just turned 19, and ive been feeling this way all the way throughout high school. I just noticed last year that I was depressed, but not depression itself but at this point in time all these points are how im feeling …
Everything here struck a chord with how I feel. I spent my night at a bar in a town I don’t frequent, playing darts with fools, and the rest of the time talking to the most depressing looking human being at the bar I saw. I even drove the woman home. She clearly had made some awful mistakes in her life and at (the very least) 60, she was still talking about “turning her life around.” She then asked me if she could light up a joint in my car. I couldn’t have cared less. I don’t smoke anymore, but who gives a shit if she does. She’s a lost cause and hardly notices from what I could see. Why take her last bit of happiness.
I lost my last piece of “sanity” months ago. I do my day to day, but more and more, the few people who see my regularly have been noticing that I look tired and distant, and I hate that they are finally noticing because I am losing my grip on the facade that is my life. Nothing I used to enjoy makes me happy and I have become more and more hostile toward the people I once cared for. Am I suicidal? Yes. Will I ever follow through? absolutely not. I view it as cowardice. I do find however, that I put my self in more and more dangerous situations just so maybe I could have a bit of an adrenaline rush because I just don’t care about the consequences anymore. I feel under appreciated and like my kindness and helpfulness have been taken advantage of my entire life, and now that I am refusing to help others without getting anything in return, mentally, physically, or monetarily, I am being treated like the bad guy.
I supposed I should digress. That’s my situation. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and I can only hope we can all move beyond this at some point. Until then, I’ll just wander though the fog until I find something, or someone who can light a candle along the way.
Jim,
Your story really hit home with me, as we are in very similar mind states. My situation is the same as Peter Gibbons in Office Space. I work an office job kind of like that…and every monotonous day gets worse. Every day you see me is pretty much the worst day of my life. I’m losing my grip on “everything will be ok, just stay positive, blah blah blah”. But I’ve come to realize that I am a worthless robot slave meant to do his job, pay taxes, and die. Hopefully we will both eventually find happiness within ourselves. Tonight’s whiskey shot will go out to you and I, and people like us.
Cheers,
Ned
This is me, too. I’m only 22, but this has been me for as long as I can remember, even through my childhood. Just this morning I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am indeed suffering from depression, but this is the only article that seems to reflect how I actually feel and act.
Wow. I can’t believe it. Wow.
That is me. Maybe I should stop running from myself.
Thanks for the deep insight.
xx
I have suffered different levels of depression for just about my entire life. It started at about 9 after my parents divorce, my fathers death, my mother handing me over to my insane step father actually her long term boy friend to be his personal slave for a place to live and food to eat well into my twenties. My life has been a challenging marathon, I cannot find even one time in my entire life where I have experienced joy or happiness. Three years of psycho dynamic psycho therapy and nero feedback actually made it all worse and so much clearer. I have never taken anything but natural things to help. Now at 53 I just ask the universe to please take me home, I am done here. I get up and try to carry on each day because it is expected. My mother died 2 years ago, my insane step thing is still in my life, my 25 year marriage is over, I do Reiki, and practice gratitude daily. For me life holds no joy, no meaning, nothing. I just wait patiently not to have to endure this thing we call living any more and will be very grateful when it is over.
This is me, great article.
Reading that article and the comments this morning, my keyboard is soaked with my tears.
I have always known there was something different about me. Since I can remember I have been this way but my mom never believed in mental illness and I think I have absorbed that quality. I can’t seem to admit that anything is wrong just because I feel like a whiner or I’m being selfish. I am starting to realize that its affecting every aspect of my life.
I have absolutely no sex drive, I have always had no sex drive I just fake it. I cant fake it with my significant other anymore, we have been together for 5 years, he’s not a stupid man.
I paint, draw, play music, it keeps me happy for those short moments but slowly as i become older, i feel like my creativity is dissapearing and I don’t care.
When I was younger, I had a major problem with gossiping and lying. I have stopped myself from that behaviour for a while now but its becoming stronger everyday, i just blabbed my mouth about my friend to another friend for absolutely no reason and it has started a spiral of self-pity, hatred and nervous breakdowns for days now.
I hate the world and what we have become, what I have become.
I think today I am going to get some help. Thank you very much everyone in this thread for helping me realize that I do actually have an issue and I need to stop faking life.
I do some voluntary work strattera coupons conclusions do you have?)
i dont know what to do. im so sad all the time and i just bottle it up. i cant help it, at night i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. but i cant, i just cant. i dont trust easily, not anymore. people think im happy, but if they saw the real me, they would probibly cry themselves. i cant go on living like this. im only 14 for goodness sake! please, someone help me, please.
Natasha, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But I’m glad you reached out.
Can your parents or another adult take you to see your family doctor? Is there a therapist or counsellor you can talk to at school or elsewhere?
From your profile, it looks like you’re in the UK. Can you call Childline?
If things are really desperate, look at the International Suicide Prevention wiki, as there are lots of resources there. (I’m not making any assumptions about you, just trying to cover all the bases).
When you’re in this state, you absolutely need somebody else to help you get through it. I hope you can find someone close to you who can do that. I’ll be rooting for you.
Hi Alison
I just read your post and it rang so true for me. I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for many years, tried various anti-depressants and talking therapies, which worked for a while, at least enabling me to understand a bit more about these conditions. I went to art school and carried on painting -it’s something I have to keep doing as it helps me to process my thoughts about the world and my environment. The art world is not an easy place to be – lots of rejection, highs and lows, no money,which all adds to the stress. I managed to keep going by distracting myself with relationships – sharing my life and feeling part of a couple, trying to find a home, for me and for my heart. And it worked for decades (not with the same person, but several). However since finding myself single for the last four years, my depression has been worsening. I don’t want to take anti-depressants again, I’m trying to carry on but I can feel myself feeling more and more hopeless and it’s scaring me. I was always described as ‘vibrant’ (and still am sometimes) I’m a passionate person but I feel like I am slowly disappearing, fading away. I’m very low, have isolated myself from all but a few good, old friends and have no desire to go out and mingle. I realise that this is not the way to find a girlfriend, but I feel like I look so miserable and defeated that I’m embarrassed to go out. I can hardly bear to look at myself in the mirror sometimes. I used to be SO confident but that woman seems to have gone . I’m ashamed to say I feel like a lost child, wanting someone to come and put their arms around me and tell me everything’s going to be ok. I suppose that’s what it’s like when one is in a love relationship – I know it worked for me. But things end, and change and I’m not good at that. I’ve been an orphan since I was 23, and I have no siblings, so I reckon this has something to do with the over-neediness and the desire to find a ‘home’, plus I’m in a very uncertain ‘career’. But, like Jim said in his post, I have been thinking about suicide a lot recently, but I wouldn’t do it, and I’ll keep going -there’s a teeny tiny ember of optimism buried somewhere that hasn’t quite gone out, and I’m hoping for someone or something to come along with a huge pair of bellows! Here’s to all of us depressed but struggling on creatives – I hope we all find ways to feel a lot better in the future.
Hi
Your article is all about me.
I have had the wham bam cannot get out of the house depression, with the anxiety and panic attacks which was terrifying.
I am now, for the past 6 or so years experiencing ‘walking depression’ its an accurate description of me.
I have guilt, sadness and despair weighing me down to the point I want to run away & scream and scream. I fee so lonely, even tho I have a family and a close caring network of friends….I carry on because I feel I have to, I feel I will be letting everbody down if I implode, Its such hard work and I just cry all the time.
I don’t know what to do and really want to be on my own, with my dog away from everything.
I have lost all motivation, I used to love painting, designing and sewing, writing, but my brain is dead, I want to do these things, but have no inspiration. This is the first time I have put down how I feel.
I dont feel suicidal at all, but I dont feel anything a lot of the time, just sadness and lonliness.
Your article has made me feel slightly better, as knowing there are so many people out there in the same boat.
Thanks.
I can relate to every word like its written for me or by me. Seems I have suffered my whole life. Last year I also found out I have bdd (body dismorphic disorder) which affects what I feel about my body image and looks. Life seems pointless most days and I just tick along. If only it could be switched off without anyone being affected.
Dan
Wow…
Walking Depression eh?
I read this post, and the dots connected.
I just finished reading some journal entries from 15 years ago, and I’m sad to read about how angry and unfulfilling my life was back then.
This year, when I discovered that my marriage was in real trouble, I realized that maybe I was suffering from depression.
It’s been a long journey… but I feel better.
It never dawned on me that I was dealing with depression… I just always thought I was always so frustrated and angry because no one was as good as me, nothing was exciting enough… nothing was ever good enough.
Lol… oh boy.
I didn’t realize that my brain was casting everything in shades of grey and black.
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Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this web site.
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oh my god….that part about WHY WE DON’T ADMIT IT……..that hit me so hardcore
great article
OMG! This is 100% me……I don’t know what to do…….
Hi Alison,
The next time you go down to the beach, could you take my name with you too?
Your article is expounded to several peoples life. Nice Article.Thank you for sharing this information with us .
This…every single thing every SINGLE thing describes how i’ve felt for like, years. ;/
Wow. I do creative things, but I would never consider myself an artist. Just the same, this speaks to exactly how I feel. I do what I have to do because it must be done. My status quo is suffocating me, but my husband is happy and content and unwilling to change.
Great article. Despite still not knowing what to do, it’s reassuring to know I am not alone. “Walking Depressed” is a great term for how I’m feeling.
I’m 21 and al of the above rings true, tought I was the only one suffering from such a deep depression.
Glad I came accross this, to snyone suffering from this, know that you are not alone
Thanks so much
I try to rev myself up with motivational tapes, to no avail. I am on the last day of my lifelong dream vacation – I rented a writing cabin far from everything familiar. But I finished no creative projects. I didn’t even let myself really get excited about any of them. They all sputtered out a few pages in, and I told myself that after nearly 30 years of putting my spirit on hold to attend to others’ needs, perhaps the Me who I was as a creative teenager has dissipated.
Now I’m weepy and somber, preparing to go back to the melee that is my life, with nothing to show for my Grand Escape. It reinforces the futility of it all.
This article reminds me of what awaits me once I return to pressure, bills and duties. An intuitive friend once described my life and career as “lying on an ant hill covered in honey, with everyone taking a little nip out of you.” OK. Back to the ant hill. My run for freedom hit a high electric fence. Now I suspect I will never get out nor ever have the courage to try again. How are we supposed to continue like this?!
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