Peacemaking in the War of Art

Photo courtesy of davesag

Back in 2005 I gave a talk at Houghton College called "Why Aren't I Writing? The Struggle with Resistance." I had just discovered Steven Pressfield's book The War of Art and I was so excited to have a name for the invisible forcefield that repelled me from my writing desk. So relieved to have an external bad-guy to blame for my procrastination. So ready to take up the fight and knock Resistance to the ground.

It didn't work. Or rather, it worked for short periods until I gave out, battered and exhausted. In 2006, I went through a period of hauling myself out of bed at 5 am to write. I lasted a few weeks (and got a ton of writing done!) and then I collapsed (literally. I got up and then collapsed on the guest bed in my writing studio). I learned the hard way that force and sheer will did not work against Resistance.

Even though Seth Godin is telling us to "Recognize [Resistance] for what it is and then defeat it," I don't think that approach works for him either:

Steven Pressfield: How do you overcome Resistance? Do you have a specific technique or metaphor that you employ to fortify, encourage or inspire yourself?

Seth Godin: People who know me talk about my self-discipline. I haven’t had dairy in ten years, no particular reason, I just stopped. The same thing kicked in for me once I figured out what the resistance was doing to me. If the work is important enough, I stare down the resistance and destroy it. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I’m only skilled at that in short bursts. The longer haul stuff, the multi-month efforts, the idea of building a company with 100 or 1000 people… those things fall aside and the resistance triumphs. (emphasis mine) from "An Interview with Seth Godin"

I don't think Seth would like my little Pay Attention exercise for listening to your lizard. In a guest post at Zen Habits called The Reason You're Stuck, he says,

Unfortunately, the web is filled with tips and tricks and lists that appear to help you in your quest to shut up the lizard, to defeat the resistance. I say unfortunately because these lists are calm, practical and ultimately ineffective. They are polite in the face of a nefarious enemy, they are rational in the face of screaming insecurity. None of them are working for you because you may not be serious about actually defeating the resistance. It’s fun to procrastinate and comforting to dissemble, because not shipping doesn’t arouse the lizard brain. It’s safe.

The thing is, I firmly believe that the way to quiet your lizard brain is to make it feel safe. It's looking for a leader, an adult, to step up and take charge. Make it your enemy and it will fight you to the death. Soothe it, listen to it, tuck it under your wing, and you'll make a lot more progress.

I'm not suggesting rational discussion. You don't reason a toddler out of a tantrum. But you can listen and affirm a child's demands, stay calm yourself, and eventually settle her with a firm confident presence. "I'll take care of you. I won't leave you. I'm in charge. You're safe. You can trust me."

For evidence, I give you the voice of my lizard brain. This is from 2005, when I first started paying attention. My intention was to finish writing a book, and lizard brain was letting me know things were NOT OKAY:

No one else struggles or is as lazy and incompetent as you. You're a fraud, and one day you'll be found out and humiliated! Might as well die, you drama queen. You think you've got problems, you're just an ungrateful piece of s---. You're clearly a freak. Deficient. A cripple. Your mind is diseased. You can't handle even the simplest things and yet you have these ambitions. Give up now!

Holding onto yourself in a wave of condemnation like that is not an easy thing. That's where the need for strength comes in. But it's not a forcing kind of effort. It's being anchored and grounded in love. Love for yourself. Love for your lizard.

Because you're on the same side! If you declare war on your lizard, you're fighting against yourself. Futile. You want to learn to work together.

Fast forward five years. Lizard has gotten a lot of the venom out. She's starting to trust me. She kind of likes me some days. We had a chat last week about the new coaching practice I'm opening (scary! risky!) and she said,

I would love to work with Alison. She’s so warm and supportive. She really understands and makes you feel hopeful and determined. She gives you good ideas but doesn’t get down on you when you’re struggling. She’s very compassionate and sensitive. I always feel better after I talk to her. I feel loved. She’s very loving and she believes that everyone deserves to be loved and happy. She wants me to be happy and successful! I wish I could spend even more time with her. She’s helped me so much. I used to be depressed, sick, over-stressed and miserable. I couldn’t take care of myself, couldn’t set boundaries, and couldn’t get my work done. But she helped me heal and grow and be assertive. I owe her my life. She would do this for everyone if she could.

(Okay, I'm almost too modest to post that. But Adult Alison didn't write it, so, it's kind of like a testimonial?)

No, peacemaking in the war of art is not a quick process. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

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